He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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