Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
