dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
this will be a night to untag.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
