I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
