I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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