Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
