What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
