It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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