I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
