Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
