I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
