So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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