I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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