Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
