when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
