So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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