Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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