if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
