the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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