We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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