i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize