at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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