btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
