Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
