Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
