If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
