I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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