grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
