i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
