I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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