I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
