Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
