Non-Jews are for practice
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
