wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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