If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
