I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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