Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
