The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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