So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
