Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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