Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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