If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
