fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
