I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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