my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
