that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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