who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
