god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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