So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
