I wish I could punch you in the face.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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