Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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