We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
