Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
