watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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