girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we should paint friendship bongs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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