I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
