too bad you live with your parents still
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
