I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
