Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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