Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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