Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
