i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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