Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
