I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
