Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
