Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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