Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
