Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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