What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
