I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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