I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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