How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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