Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
