last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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