life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize