Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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