Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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