I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
