He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
