I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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