trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
