textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
