when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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