I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
