Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
