My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
accomplished twins. life is a go
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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