nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
