TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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