im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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