She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
