Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
