Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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