so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
