Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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