My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
