actually, I'm a sock model
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
