were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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