I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize