if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tell her she can't have a vagina
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
