Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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