When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
