when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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