this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
