Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
