Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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