I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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