Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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