i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
