Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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