so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
