woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
